I Am an Indian….I Am A Mumbaikar…I Am an Ignitee! (PART-I)

On a lazy Sunday afternoon I was reading some fiction for the nth time, my only plan for the day was to chill & soak in the aroma that every Sunday carries with itself. Exams had just lifted its burden from my poor back (like to be melodramatic it helps to visualize you seeJ) & I just prayed that my mother’s brother’s sister-in-law’s father’s aunt’s son will not invite us to one more ‘bored to death’ weddings/dinners/lunches/ blah blah blah!

My phone rings & I just keep my finger crossed, I try to ignore it like you ignore so-called ‘Breaking News’ on news channels & arrow-like twangs of Nasal Reshamiya! I know I know…these examples are as clichéd as clichéd can be but can’t help it!

Ok so I finally drag myself to answer the phone & tan-ta-tan! I get a call from Farheen (a job consultant) for a job opening, Ignitee Digital Solutions. I take down the details without expecting a fairy-tale job. But that’s where the surprise lies…when you don’t have overtly ambitious & yeah unrealistic expectations the outcome is always pleasant & beautiful. Ok so things move on interview is fixed & I gear with my collective knowledge & enthusiasm to Ignitee! Ignitee I Am Coming! (To Be Continued…)

Desktop Cricket

No, this isn’t a new type of cricket. It’s the way people watch cricket at work. With the IPL fever well and truly on, it’s hard to keep your mind completely focussed at work. I mean come on, we’re all human and we love cricket.

And of course, Ignitee’s also doing work for the DLF IPL, so it’s an added incentive to watch cricket at work! (No, I’m NOT making excuses. We seriously do stuff for the DLF IPL!)

Now if you want to know how exactly people indulge in desktop cricket, here’s a sample tutorial:

1. Make sure that no one’s looking directly at your computer screen or you.
2. Run your hands furiously over your keyboard, as if you’re actually typing something.
3. Without lifting your head, lift your eyes above your desk and look straight at the TV.
4. Then, when you know that everyone’s looking at the TV, get up as if nothing’s happened, and ask, “WHAT’S THE SCORE?”

PS: This works only at Ignitee at certain select seating positions. The others have to get up and go right into the canteen to watch the game.

Hey, I got to get back to work. Believe me, this is a fun place to be in. Now, you know why.

Jesus Christ, Ignitee! It’s January 1, 2009!

Before I dig into the various gratifications, ramifications and assassinations (ok, so I’m rambling) I’d like to wish all of you a VERY MERRY CHRISTMAS and a HAPPY NEW YEAR!

Actually, there is nothing much to tell, except that I didn’t even realise how 2008 flew by, and now I’m faced with the mouth-watering prospect of 2009. It’s a new year, folks! Time to celebrate!

We did have a jolly time, you know. An amazing Christmas party at the Ignitee office (yeah, the Santa was someone real cute) and me spending New Year’s Eve watching Pirates of the Caribbean (you cannot miss Johnny Depp, can you?) just made up for the perfect year-end sign off.

Let’s see what this year brings. I hope November 26 doesn’t happen again. I hope people start playing cricket in Pakistan. And I REALLY, REALLY hope to lose some weight this time around (I’ve not taken any resolutions; let’s see how this non-resolute year goes by).

Viva Las Vegas! (Uh, ok, really time to sign off now…)

Visualising an Ignitee-d Mind

The Indian Cricket Team just pulled off an impossible victory—at least that's what the Englishmen think. 387 runs in one and a half days… nah, it'd never been done before!

That's the thing about changing history. Just like Virender Sehwag has a delightful disregard for history, and at Ignitee, so do we. It's all about VISUALISING the situation beforehand. Just think that you've already done it… visualise the winning moment time and again—and voila! Even reputed Olympic champions have used this technique to perform nigh impossible gymnastic stunts. That changes the course of history.

Ignitee too visualises stuff beforehand. Like doing a website in 3 days flat. Getting a campaign live within a few hours. Making award winning websites. It's all the power of visualisation, of what we believe we can do.

Right now, I'm visualising food. It's time to grab a bite. But oh, I always visualise food. Darn! I should've become a chef…

From Chinchpokhli (Ignitee's Office) to China!!

Chinese food is always enjoyable, especially when there's LOTS and you have good company. And Ignitee, of course is a REAL GOOD company. That's what I found out when we all sat down to have some amazing Chinese food (don't ask me for the name of the restaurant… come on, a rose by any other name would still smell sweet, right? I've been reading Shakespeare lately). It's pretty evident from the photographs that all of us Ignitees are pretty chuffed. I was smiling through a mouthful of noodles (oh yeah, and that double chin became a triple chin). And what can beat a beautiful 1,000-watt smile into the camera? The food, maybe, but that's a different issue altogether.

Before you could say Ignitee, we'd wolfed down most of the food. Our plates were—LITERALLY—licked clean and everyone was kind of dazed after the whole thing. It's like when you have really good wine, your head starts swirling a little bit—that's EXACTLY what had happened to us.

Oh, when we got back to work, the eyelids started drooping. MAN how I wish I was Chinese (at least nobody will know whether you're sleeping or not). But here's to more food, more Chinese, and of course, a whole lot more of Ignitee. Cheerio!

A resignation doesn’t mean repentance

It’s happened. Politicians have come out in a show of ‘solidarity’ and resigned from their posts, thereby ‘taking the responsibility of the blasts upon themselves’. My foot. Not one of them repents even a little bit. The blame-games and grandstanding continues—one party at the expense of another. And where do we go in all of this?

By the way, the show of solidarity by the common man at the Gateway of India was something to behold. Here was a city, in its full cosmopolitan force, stepping up and giving these ‘Mantralaya’ men something to think about. Some of the posters were actually very funny—I actually vouch for showing RGV Ki Aag as torture for the terrorists. But on a more serious issue, it finally showed that Mumbai was not going to take anything lying down. The ‘spirit’ of Mumbai has changed—no longer is it CHALTA HAI. Mumbaikars have taken this to heart, and no one will be spared.

But do you think the politicians are listening? If they are, then I am Barack Obama’s long-lost brother. They will not repent, not until we actually give them a few tight slaps across the face. Then even we can say, “Bade-bade shehron mein aisi choti-choti baatein hoti rehti hai.” So come on guys, let’s make them repent.

Bombs, Bullets and B***ards

My apologies for the use of expletives upfront. I know it’s no match for the kind of explosive debauchery we’ve been seeing over the past few days, but I had to get it out of my system, somehow—feeling absolutely powerless hurts. Really does.

My heart first goes out to those victims who were trapped or who had their dear ones trapped behind enemy lines, as it were. Commiserations won’t do, I’m sure, but that’s all I can give you at this moment—along with a sense of hope that ONE DAY, we can send children to school in a bus without having to think about the religion of the bus driver—terrorists do not deserve the stamp of religion, anyway.

My salutations to our brave commandos, policemen and army officers who put their lives in the line of fire. They are the real heroes—not the plastic (or cardboard, whatever you wish) ones we see on 70 mm almost everyday, using body doubles, stunt doubles and what not. There’s no ‘replay’, no ‘double’—just one shot at either saving a life, or losing yours. This makes me think—I wish we had an army of James Bonds or Max Paynes. Now maybe is not the right time to discuss movie/video game characters, but they’re needed—cold-blooded, hardened professionals who will show no mercy. Professionals with a license to kill, not bound by the red tape that so often slows down the most critical operations.

I’m rambling now. I don’t know what else to say. My mind has been too murky these past few days. I will take some time to recover. But we need to stand up for ourselves, before it is too late. Is it already too late, I wonder?